Its been so long

I post here, because I know that no one will ever read this. This house is empty, literally, life is kinda boring right now, I do not know who I can talk to anymore. Not saying I have been hurt (recently) but I am just so lost and confused right now. Nothing at school is going right for me, even though I tell everyone things are fine. Thats my line "Everything is fine" I use it for everything, but even at time when things are fine they really are not. I am scared, confused, alone. I have done nothing with my life, I have nothing to show, if I were to die right now would anyone know? The maggots would feat on my corpse as it rotted and molted, chunks of flesh hitting the ground decaying and molded. Life was so much better a few years ago, than it is today, when stress, regret, madness all become a daily routine, wonder when I can find the end of this tunnel of self loathing and pity. Not having to hide my real self from anyone. Not to sound like i am completely sad or thinking thoughts of suicide, get those thoughts away as I will never think such things. But boredom has completely settled in, making me wonder when the fun will begin. Even though I am ignored until someone wants me to fetch them something I had people around me to keep me company, now alone I have this house and silence, the maddening silence.